Warning: This post will probably only apply/be interesting to women. Men, feel free to stop reading.
Thought: I’m not even sure any men read this blog. If they do, they are probably related to me and feel that they have to read, due to me
annoying gently encouraging them.
Anyway, I went shopping for a dress yesterday. We have a couple of fun events coming up, and I needed something new and fun to wear.
(Note: I did not wear high-heeled boots while shopping. Geez.)
Our first event, in two weeks, is that Andy is marrying someone.
Ok, no. HE isn’t marrying someone else. I would not buy a dress for that. I would buy water balloons, posters to make protest signs, and a lawyer.
Andy is officiating a wedding and we get to go on a weekend (kid free!) getaway to Fredericksburg for the ceremony. Hooray!
I also have some theatrical productions to attend in the near future. Yes, I said that just so you would be impressed by my level of culture. I saw a Shakespeare performance last week too. Again, be impressed.
So, I went shopping for a dress for these things. I feel so Kate Middleton using the same dress for multiple events.
This shopping had me super excited, because it’s rare for me to go and get something just for me. (I did look at kid’s clothes while I was out, and bought NOTHING. Improvement.)
This shopping thing turned into quite an ordeal, though. I have a talent for that-- taking regular things (that no one else even thinks twice about) and getting all worked up about them. Making a mountain out of a molehill, as my mom would say.
I call it passion. I embrace it.
What did I get worked up about? Y’all, it’s hard to shop. I realize how stupid and petty that sounds. Stick with me.
On a surface level, it’s hard to shop on a budget. I saw one super cute dress…$230. I’m sorry, but I just can’t do that. If you do, more power to you, and is your job hiring? Then I can have somewhere to wear all the fabulous Calvin Klein professional dresses I saw. ( I even tried one on. It was beautifully done, lined so nicely, and had such great structure that I thought I looked instantly awesome. I felt like a boss…and I enjoyed it.)
Also, it’s hard to shop as a (gulp) 30 year old. It’s like the shorts issue I wrote about here. There is LOTS of stuff out there if you are twenty and don’t have to wear proper undergarments. There is a good selection if you are older, as well. For ages in the middle, the lines are kinda blurred.
Now here is the part where you should stick with me and realize I am not here just to complain about my American, suburban, very fortunate (not bragging-- just acknowledging and being thankful) life.
Most difficult of all, this dress shopping trip brought me face to face with the things I don’t like about myself:
I have so much, yet feel the need to have more to be satisfied.
A lot of my self-worth is wrapped up in what I look like.
I covet-other people’s dresses, other people’s dress sizes, etc.
Kinda takes the fun out of shopping doesn’t it? I told you…molehill=mountain.
I just reread all of the above and a large part of me just wants to delete this whole post and not share. Because it seems shallow. Because I’m scared. Because someone will look at the monitor and roll their eyes (and even though I can’t see them), it will hurt my feelings.
But, I’m going to be brave. I know personally, I love happy blog posts with pictures of cute kids. I read them every day. But I love, even more, when I read something that is honest, something that makes me feel connected, because I identify with what another person thinks or feels, even if it’s not pretty.
In conclusion, I did find a dress. And when I tried it on and modeled in the living room, my husband (the one who’s not marrying someone else) oohed and aahed and said he loved it. When I told him shopping made me feel old, fat, and poor (three things that this world does not embrace), he reminded me that it doesn’t matter what the world thinks, because I have something better.
“They are no more defined by the world than I am defined by the world.” John 17:16 (The Message)
“Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you” Romans 12:2 (The Message)
It’s a large personal change I need to seek out.
I’ll probably make a big deal out of it. But mountains are so much more fun to climb than molehills.