To my beautiful children, Bella Kathryn and Hayes Ryan,
It's Mother's Day, and I am sure you (with Daddy's help) have something planned for me, I wanted to take time to write you a letter. This letter is going to have a couple of lists (love them) and it's going to start with a strange one. Keep reading until the end. Obey your mother.
Being a mom changes your life. A lot. That leads to list one:
Things I don't have since I have children:
- a clean car
- a clean kitchen floor (Which isn't really fair to blame on you. It's white tile and it's impossible.)
- a fishing boat (That one's for your dad.)
- the ability to stay out late and sleep late the next morning
- a toy free living room
- peaceful time to shower without someone coming in to talk to me or play in the toilet (Ahem...Hayes)
But oh, my babies, you have brought me so many other things. Some of them things I didn't even know I was missing.
Things I have since I have children:
- more patience
- the ability to multitask at an Olympic level
- the knowledge that you can trade in the toy at Chick-fil-a for ice cream. Score.
- a pantry door that is covered in artwork
- the excuse to go shopping for clothes every season because you've outgrown the ones from last year
- a reason to use my camera everyday
- the opportunity to look at the world in a different way, as you ask questions and discover things for the first time
- a moment daily, where you rest your head on my shoulder, and I am so happy I forget to breathe
- a paper that says "Mama" taped to my mirror, because it's the first time you ever wrote my name and I want to look at it every day for the rest of my life
- a better understanding of who God, my Father, is and how much he loves me
- a scar, that I love, because it reminds me of where you both used to be
You see, the two of you have brought so much into my life. Most of all, you have brought me joy, a heart that is overflowing with love. I have tears in my eyes as I type this because I can't find words that are good enough to explain how much I love you.
When I rock you late at night, I look at the cross that says, "For this child I have prayed." You both have them in your rooms. It's a reminder for me. It's a reminder for you. You were prayed for. You were so very wanted. And God answered my prayer.
I am so very grateful.
"Worthy are you, O God, to receive honor and glory, for you created all things." Revelation 4:11
"The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." Psalm 126:3
And I cannot close this post on Mother's Day, without one more letter...
Dear beautiful woman who is longing to be a mother,
You are not forgotten.
There was a time, just a few years ago, when I could not write the letter above. I had been trying, and failing, for two years to have a baby. I was in pain.
I had a doctor, fantastic as he was (and still is), who couldn't give me answers. Pregnant women followed me around Wal-Mart. I cringed when I had to listen to other women complain about their pregnancies. I was the girl at the baby shower with nothing to talk about.
And I hated Mother's Day. It was a celebration of everything I was not.
I would avoid church on that day, because bursting into tears when they ask all of the mothers to stand isn't really a socially acceptable response.
I remember. You are not forgotten.
If you are waiting to be a mother, I am thinking of you and praying for you.
And you should know that I will still cry in church today. For me. For you. For a God who can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.